


Always

by Lauren (notalwaysweak)



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-09-04
Updated: 2002-09-04
Packaged: 2017-10-05 23:20:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notalwaysweak/pseuds/Lauren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a little scene that popped into my mind. Rimmer's POV, musing on commitment. The only difference is that there's been about a week between Lister going into stasis and this story, and in canon it was implied that the Cadmium II leak was the same day as Lister going in. But it's practically canon, innit?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always

**Author's Note:**

> Red Dwarf characters belong to Grant Naylor.
> 
> _It's been rainin' since you left me  
> Now I'm drownin' in the flood  
> See I've always been a fighter  
> But without you I give up_
> 
> \- Bon Jovi 'Always'

I thought you would always be there, in a funny sort of way; I suppose it was seeing Petersen and the rest of Z Shift being promoted, even old Pierre with his two hearing aids and his stupid walking stick, while you were always down on the bottom rung with me, that made it seem that way.

The trouble is, it's now that I've realised I need you -- now, now that you're already beyond my reach, and by the time I have the chance to see you again, it'll be too late - I'll have moved on or you'll leave the ship and we won't be together.

It sounds wrong, doesn't it? I sound like a lovesick fool or something. I almost feel like it. But when I really thought about it, the reason I wanted to get you out of stasis had nothing to do with making you age more and everything to do with needing you by my side. Not in the way that I want you in bed with me, or to announce our engagement to the entire ship, but I want you there to...

Damn, I don't know. It really _doesn't_ sound like the most altruistic reason if I say 'Lister, I want to get you out of stasis so that I can keep sniping at you' 'Lister, I petitioned the Captain to let you out of the relative comfort of stasis so I can keep blaming my failures on you' or 'Lister, you're only out of stasis because I begged Hollister to let you out on some pretext, when all I want to do is belittle you as much as possible', does it?

At this stage, I'm not even sure if it's true. How long have you been aboard this ship? Months? Far _too_ long, especially in _my_ company, I would opine to anyone who listened, given half a chance yes I'd degrade you to everyone who would spare an ear, oh yes I would, have, did, probably will keep doing even if the Captain listens to me and lets you out. You'll wonder why I even wanted you out of there if I hate you so much.

Maybe it's because I hate you.

Maybe it's because I don't.

Maybe it's because, despite the bitterness between us, all the bullshit, all the pranks we've pulled on each other, the sniping, the insults, I...

Well...

I _like_ you. You're the closest thing I've got to a friend, not just on this spaceship. You're the best friend I've ever had. You've never tried to spit-roast me, that's how good a friend you are.

Friend...

'I ain't never been noone's _friend_ before.' I watched that movie a thousand times when I was young. I loved it. I always empathised with Hoggle, because he hadn't had any friends before Sarah. And I always wanted to explore the labyrinth, but that's beside the point. Maybe now, even though I'm really just a small, ugly dwarf at heart, you've befriended me in spite of it.

That doesn't mean I want you to wear a ballgown and dance with David Bowie, mind you. Although it does mean that if you try to kiss me I will protest quite violently, and not because I'm afraid of the Bog of Eternal Stench.

That movie ended happily though -- well, not for Jareth, but for everyone else it did -- and I'm afraid that my life won't. Without you by my side, I don't think I'll get anywhere. The last exam I took, I actually studied for - rudimentarily, I'll admit, but I tried -- because you'd been teasing me about all the times I failed. Maybe with you out of stasis, I'd be inspired to get somewhere.

I just thought we'd always be together, that's all. And I... God...

All right. I _miss_ you.

The sleeping quarters isn't the same without your chainsaw snoring every night. I've hardly slept for a week because it's been too quiet. I can get out of bed without my feet landing in a puddle of beer, and that's odd as well. Your bad habits, your (very rare) good habits -- I miss everything about you. It's just not fair, but what am I supposed to do? Complain to the Captain?

Actually, that's what I _will_ do. Work on an appeal. I don't know what the hell to say -- you flagrantly broke quarantine laws -- but if I reveal that you had a secret reason for it -- I'll have to figure out if you _did_ have one, since I haven't got a bloody clue -- maybe Hollister will have some leniency. I can't work efficiently without you, there's another reason. He _knows_ the chocolate machine outside his quarters is out of Cherry Ripes, and I'm the only one left doing most of those meaningless little jobs.

I need you back. You're more essential to the crew than I am, because you're essential to me and I'm essential to nobody. So you're one-up on me, at least. I've become complacent, expecting that you would always be here, and I was wrong.

But I'll be damned if I'm going to let you go without a fight.


End file.
